Old Age Jokes

Three Old Ladies
There were three old ladies sitting around the kitchen table - Gertrude, Sophia and Harriet.

Gertrude said, "I think I'll go upstairs now and take a bath."

She took all her clothes off as she was filling up the tub, she had one foot in the tub and the other still outside. She said, "Was I getting into the tub or coming out of the tub?"

Sophia and Harriet were downstairs chatting with each other, when Sophia said, "You know, Gertrude's been up there for quite a while - I'd better go and check on her."

As she was going up the stairs, she stopped and turned around and said, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down the stairs?"

Harriet was left sitting at the table by herself. After she heard Sophia's remark, she said, "Thank goodness I'm not that bad, knock on wood. Was that the front door or the back door?"

Old Age
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other. "It's windy," said one. "No, it's Thursday," said the next. "So am I," said the third. "Let's go and have a drink!"

Three Old Men
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

No babies
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

Golfing
Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?". The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit." So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?". "Sure!", says his buddy. "Where did it go?", the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."

Demon drink
Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is "Your Passionate" They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate". The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live. She replied I keep trying to tell you: "Your Passin It!"