Overweight #02

Well now, I did say in my previous Overweight post to be continued did I not? Well of course I did. Yesterday when I was at the doc's, I spoke with him about how overweight I am.

Well it's official I am seriously over-weight. Look, I knew I was over weight words like fat I can live with but the word obese is horrible and I won't be using it. I was overweight before I stopped smoking (10 weeks ago) and I had been putting on weight for a while but it has now ballooned out of all proportion to plague level. I find it hard to breathe, am nearly always short of breathe, my feet and ankles look like they belong to the fat lady at the circus and my clothes are tight. The only exercise I get is walking to/from the car.

A friend suggested when getting home from work, before going in the house, walk two houses then come back. Do the same in the afternoon (I work a split shift). The next day walk past three houses, next day four houses and so on, increasing by one house per day. I started this a few days ago - on Wednesday 13 April - tomorrow I will be "on" six houses. On the third day, I forgot to do my houses in the afternoon and when I remembered it was past eight o'clock but I went and did them although I got mixed up and only walked three houses instead of four. And then on the Saturday when I was walking five houses, I realised I I'd got mixed up the day before (Friday) and had only walked three houses in the morning as well. I know this is true because today, I didn't remember seeing the fourth house yesterday.


Embarrassed about Weight
Spoke with doc about being overweight and asked him to weigh me, and no, I won't write my weight up but never have I weighed this much. I am too embarrassed to say what I weigh. How do I go about losing weight? A special diet? Too much like hard work and I doubt I would stick to it. Cutting things out of diet? Cutting down and eating smaller serves? Doc today said eat smaller serves, when I asked him did that include breakfast because a serve of cereal is only 45 grams, he said yes. I did tell him after meals my stomach doesn't feel full and I am still hungry. He replied tough. Make yourself wait 20 minutes then you'll feel full.

About 15/16 years ago, I had occasion to visit the doctor's at the end of my street (he wasn't my doc but he was only a few houses away) and I remember seeing this diet. I don't remember what it was called, but I do remember it proclaimed to guarantee you would lose 3kg in 10 days. Great I thought, I have to try this. It also said it was medically proven and okayed by a doctor. So I started this diet, while most of what the food was has been forgotten in the mists of time, I do remember having to eat cottage cheese (yuk it was revolting) and a banana (double yuk, I stopped eating bananas when I was ten years old and couldn't stand them). I almost puked I felt so sick of that bloody cheese and banana, but I persevered and was excited to find I had lost two inches off my waist, an inch of the hips, and a bit off the thighs.But it was the loss around the waist and stomach area that had me sold. By the time the ten days came around, my mouth was terribly dry, and there was something else which wasn't good but I knew I had to lose weight.

That's it! I decided that's it I'm going to lose weight and went from 92kg to, it was either 62.5 or 60.5. I kept the weight off for a few months then gradually it came back on only this time around I weigh a lot more than I did then. You see losing those initial inches gave me the boost I needed to want to lose weight. It's no good saying, "I have to lose weight, I wish I could lose weight" - you have to want it, the feeling has to come from inside, and until that happens, you will not successfully lose weight, you will not have the will or inclination to do so. I speak from my own experience - the feeling must come from within you. Although I know I have to do something bout my ballooning weight and I want to lose weight, I am honest enough to be able to admit I do not have the "I want to lose weight feeling" I had all those years ago. Will that feeling come back? I don't know, but I know that this isn't something that can be forced, you can't force it, it has to come naturally.


Today's quote: It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Giving up Smoking #5

Ten Weeks Today

Perhaps I should write a novella and call it "The Evils of Smoking and Why I Gave It Up"! (Just joking)

I don't consider myself an ex-smoker, I'm someone who has stopped smoking, someone who has given up the fags, I am not ready either to say someone who has quit. For some reason I don't like the "quit" thing. Don't know why, just know I don't. Maybe this has to do with the time when I rang the Quit Line quite a few years ago, and the lack of empathy and understanding coming from the person on the end of the line was awful. She had no, she had no nothing, no sympathy, no help, just nothing. She was hopeless. When I got off the phone all I wanted to do was smoke. Honestly, she'd drive a man to drink. She had never smoked in her life. I know, because I asked her. So don't go sprouting and mouthing bleeding heart stuff if you can't put yourself in the smoker's shoes. How can one have knowledge or experience if one hasn't lived it or at least tried to find out as much as one can?

I am reminded of something told me about people trying to get of heroin, the physical craving may have stopped, but the mental craving takes a lot longer. Perhaps it is this way with smoking too, the mental craving is there and that is the hardest to let go.

Found on the internet:
When an ex-smoker watches a person smoke a cigarette, he often fantasizes about how much the smoker is enjoying it--how good it must taste and make him feel. It is true he may be enjoying that particular cigarette, but the odds are he is not.

Most smokers enjoy a very small percentage of the cigarettes they smoke. In fact, they are really unaware of most of the cigarettes they smoke. Some are smoked out of simple habit, but most are smoked in order to alleviate withdrawal symptoms experienced by all smokers whose nicotine levels have fallen below minimal requirements. The cigarette may taste horrible, but the smoker has to smoke it. And because the majority of smokers are such addicts, they must smoke many such cigarettes every single day in order to maintain a constant blood nicotine level. Source

I don't know about the first paragraph, but I do know about the second one because it is so true. "The cigarette may taste horrible, but the smoker has to smoke it" - true, true, true.


Literally over 90% of the tar that is inhaled stays in the lung, when you see a person exhale they are literally blowing out about 10% of the smoke.

OH bloody hell. That's a wake up call.


The Mental Addiction

The physical cravings may have gone, but it's the emotional crutch, the mental cravings that take longer. One website said 'It takes at least 3 months for your brain chemistry to return to normal after you quit smoking.' I found this website Addictions and Recovery which gives a very good explanation and ideas. In one section it says "Some studies have suggested that nicotine is as addictive as crack cocaine" - an addiction is an addiction whether it's legal or illegal. Going through giving up smoking, I find I have more sympathy for drug addicts because in the past, I didn't see smoking as an addiction or smokers as "addicts". To me an addict was a drug user like a heroin or ice addict.

I liked the bit that says Plan to keep yourself busy in the beginning. Too much unstructured time is not a good thing when it comes to smoking cessation. And the section about celebrate your victories makes good sense e.g. Take the money you’ve saved and buy yourself a treat once a week. I didn't do this but I did buy a winter jacket for work which I know I will get a lot of use out of. The one I have isn't all that warm.

Today's quote: I'll never feel comfortable taking a strong drink, and I'll never feel easy smoking a cigarette. I just don't think those things are right for me ~ Elvis Presley.

Giving up Smoking #4

Eight weeks today since I stopped smoking. Yes I miss it and Yes I wish I could have just one smoke with a cuppa and sit and really enjoy it and Yes I would love to have just one ciggie once more..but it probably wouldn't be just one would it?

It is strange for as much as I would like to have a smoke, when I am at the checkout at the supermarket and the person directly in front of my buys a packet of cigarettes, what does yours truly say? "I gave up smoking three weeks ago" (Or five weeks or two weeks and four days or whatever length of time it is) and the person usually says, "Did you?" and I say back, "Yes, so far I've saved XX hundred dollars." I said this today at the local Coles,  except it was, "I sopped smoking eight weeks ago today" the young woman ahead of me said "that's good, keep it up. They're very addictive." The lass serving was quite impressed and started the smoking is bad for your health spiel and from the way she spoke, I knew she had never smoked. I asked if she had, she said no. She is doing some lifestyle course and as part of it, they had to listen to the lungs of both smokers and non-smokers. She said there is such a difference between the two. When I asked what did they sound like, she said the non-smokers sound like air and she softly blew gently in and out. A smokers she said was like this, she blew in but when she blew out it had a definite uuur sound to it.

Let's listen to some lungs
With this in mind, I tried to find what a pair of lungs sounds like - both smokers and non-smokers. Google "what do the lungs of a smoker and a non-smoker sound like" and found "Smokers vs Normal Lungs - YouTube". Right, so I clicked on it and watched and listened. Twice.




The black lungs on the left look like a couple of fish before they've been skinned. I need to see more shock, horror stuff. Perhaps the more I see, the more I will be put of taking up or going back to smoking again. With this in mind, I decided to watch this video. Of the two, I think the second one is more take notice than the first one. My only complaint if complaint it is, is the video is in Chinese which I can neither read or speak so I have no idea what is being said, one can guess, but actually knowing would be better.


That brown and yellow stuff in the middle doesn't look too good does it? Oh yuk, looks awful and gooey. Towards the end of the vid, the man scrapes some of the brown stuff off, it appears to be some sort of sticky sludge which is stuck to the lung and only by scraping it was he able to get it off. Put it another way, if you washed them under the shower, I don't think the brown gunk would come off.

Lets talk about some other benefits of stopping smoking

Sorry, but I'm not at the sprouting about how healthier it is not to smoke yet, even after watching the videos. So, what advantages are there that I have noticed?
1. First and foremost is the monetary gain - more money in the bank means I can afford to pay bills without getting in a bind etc
2. Again monetary - the Japan trip I booked last year I can actually enjoy more and afford
3. My face seems softer - the skin is not as dry. I have always had good skin and was horrified to find a couple of years ago how dry my skin was. Now it is soft again.
4. I don't cough as much,
5. When I laugh, there's less chance of the laugh turning into a cough.
6. I feel good with myself because I have been able to stop and have stayed off them for eight weeks.

Yes I miss them wish I didn't hopefully the longer I am off them the less I will wish I had one. It just occurred to me, I had better stop saying I stopped smoking eight week/nine weeks ago when I am at the checkout. When I first stopped, it was acceptable to say something like that, but I think now, I probably shouldn't.

Someone reminded me "It has been about two months. Your brain has rewired itself so the cravings really shouldn't be there any more.
Move on. You're an ex-smoker now. Stop thinking about it."

I see what they mean but try telling that to my brain! Am I really an ex-smoker or am I still in the process of giving up? Wouldn't ' an ex-smoker be someone who hasn't smoked for at least six months? Groan, I don't know.


Today's quote: Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes

Just Before Sunrise

Just Before Sunrise
Just before the sun was rising
I stood outside the door
And listened to the river
And the sounds as the day began to awaken.
As I walked slowly along,
Drinking in my last sight of Malacca,
I was struck by the beauty of the shadows and reflections
Along the river bank.
This is the Malacca Malay Sultanate Water Wheel which turns during the day, and is silent at night. It is a replica of the original which was used to channel waters for the large number of traders. It is very peaceful and scenic strolling along the river as the dawning of a new day is about to begin.

Giving up smoking #3

Six weeks one day later
Someone told me that in my previous post, the section under the heading 'Six weeks later' was interesting, because I said I wanted a cigarette as a celebration and also to relax. She went on to say these things are on the opposite ends of the leisure spectrum and that she used to do this when she smoked, it was a way of rationalising why she smoked and gave her a good excuse for doing it.

She understood, yes. The rationalisation, although I hadn't seen that before now. That is how I'm feeling. I found this What they don't tell you about quitting smoking So many websites are just so clinical and don't really sound like they are written by real people, this is different.

When I feel like shit and say I really really want a smoke, I got this "If you do, you will have people around you commenting, saying that they knew you wouldn't be able to give up, that they are surprised you lasted this long etc. prove them wrong."

Yes, do you think I haven't thought of this dear blog? That's another thing which makes me want to stay on the straight and narrow. There will be some I know who will get a fiendish delight in telling me, "I told you so" - I really don't want to give them the satisfaction. Hummph.. But will not giving satisfaction be enough? Makes me think of that song Satisfaction. So you know I thought the title was, "I ain't got no satisfaction"? I never did like the Rolling Stones and Mick Jagger had the ugliest mug I'd ever seen. As a bit of interest, I hunted up the song on youtube, there is of course more than one rendition, but his one from 1965 was one of the least offensive. One of the later version live in 1981 is just dreadful, so pathetic watching some nit prance around in yellow pants and a flag. What a loser.




But back to reality, the doc I see weekly said smoking has been a huge part of my life and now I no longer have it, it's like losing a friend, and you need to grieve which is why it is important for me to throw out my cigarette case, why it was important for me to throw out the chop chop in the cupboard, not Junior. I had old him Junior had thrown the chopchop out the other day and although I had thought of doing it, I had left it there, I realised I wasn't really ready to let go of it, it was something I needed to do, sort of like a ritual. That was when he said the bit about grieving and said throwing out cases, fags etc. is symbolic, I need to do this when I am ready, not somebody else. Unfortunately Junior threw out my cigarette case (the nice one) within a week of my stopping I felt angry and betrayed at that. It would be stupid for me to go buy another fag case or another packet of fags just to put in the cupboard so I can throw them away - it wouldn't be the same as having bought them before I stopped, it wouldn't mean anything.

I now understand why my daughter still has about 10 fags in a pack in the cupboard and hasn't thrown them out. I'm going to book the car in for service for the school holidays.

Did go out yesterday, did look at clothes. They looked bloody awful on me anyway and in the cold light of day even the one that looked alright - I liked it but I didn't love it.


Seven weeks and five days
It's been almost eight weeks and I still miss smoking. Not all the time because I don't think about it all the time but it just pops into my mind like an then I fantasise about it. When I say I fantasise, I mean I go off in la-la land and imagine a story - a different day to the one I am in and pretend. I have always had a good imagination which can be a very good thing but sometimes being blessed with a vivid imagination is not the best way to sail through life easily. And so, we come to today..... life has become boring...life was boring before... but at least I'd break up the monotony of the day and sit outside and haver a smoke while I read a book or read through a travel brochure. I know, I know, that is not a good enough reason to start smoking again,but I miss it so.

Dear blog, someone said to me, "Instead of thinking of cigarettes as nice, pleasant and relaxing, you should be looking at them as other people do: horrible, smelly things which make you look and smell bad, and damage your health and your finances. After all, that's why you are giving them up, isn't it?"

Er well no, that isn't why I gave them up. It just sort of happened but the big crowd puller was the cost. Well partly the cost and partly because I'd look at the unlit cigarette and think to myself, I don't really want it, I don't really feel like it. But another part of me at the same time said, No I can have it if I want, I needed to have it even though I didn't really want it. Does this mean I've begun thinking like an addict? Does this mean I am able to acknowledge I am addicted to them? Not in the usual way where we know the fags are addictive but nobody ever really says it and talks about it.

Someone else asked me had I thought about developing some social interests? I'll let you in on a little secret, even if I hadn't stopped smoking, that question would still have been valid, the problem is, I have no interests, I have no friends, I have no buddies to meet up with or who ring up and say, hiya, you doing anything? Wanna come over and hang out for a bit?

Here's the crunch - even if I stop thinking of cigarettes as nice, pleasant and relaxing, I quite simply do not see them as horrible, smelly things which make me look and smell bad, and damage my health. I am trying to convince myself my health is better because I don't cough as much, but that's as far as it goes. Not everybody who smokes gets cancer, not everybody who dies of cancer was a smoker.
One could say I'm hampered by the fact that Nana smoked packs of Craven A - the unfiltered ones, she never got cancer, never caught colds or had chest infections or anything. Grandma on the other hand never smoked a day in her life, didn't drink, didn't go out and party died much earlier than me Nana.
ON the other hand,
As far as my finances go, then yes, they are certainly much healthier and if I keep up not smoking I will have a nice little bundle each year won't I? This really is the only thing that is 100% a truism for me regarding stopping smoking. At least at present.

Today's quote: I once sang 'Summer Nights,' from 'Grease,' at a bar in Melbourne with John Travolta, who's a good friend of mine. He looked cool singing the part of Danny - sitting in an armchair, smoking a cigar - while I got stuck playing Sandy ~ Hugh Jackman