Trump Stupidity

Australians, forget America, what happens over there is for the American people, not Australians and if you think America thinks we are important enough for them to take notice of us, then you're living in fantasy land. We are just a pimple on an elephant's backside to the US. Stop grovelling.

While sitting at Chloe's Bar with friends on Saturday afternoon, I noticed a largish group of people walking in the middle of the road. They looked what my father would have called a "bunch of no hopers". Relating the incident to family later, I said they weren't our sort of people - they looked like a bunch of ratbags. This raggle taggle group of people were protesting about Donald Trump being elected President of the USA.

Above: Photo of protesters, taken from window at Young & Jackson's overlooking Swanston Street

What a load of rubbish - this is Australia, not America. Today, I did a google search to find out more and found this -

Protesters gather in Melbourne to protest against election of Donald Trump

"F--- Trump and Hanson too, we're going to fight them through and through." So chanted about 80 protesters on the Flinders Street station steps in an anti-Donald Trump rally that followed a string of largely student-led demonstrations across the US.

The crowd that included socialists, Latinos, feminists, LGBT people, anarchists and unionists - many of whom were university students - gathered for the rally on Saturday, which was organised by the Monash Student Association. Source

Hah! What do you expect? I said they looked like a bunch of ratbags and I was right. Anarchists and unionists indeed! They should get a life these people and stop carrying on like two bob watches because they don't like something. Big deal, life isn't always fair - get over it.

Things to do today Saturday 30th July

With a mind like a sieve, writing things down seems to be the only way to remember. Any posts labelled "To do today" will probably be boring, dull and bland and interesting only to the writer. Feel free to not read said boring, dull and bland stuff.

Damn and blast! I was going to add some "remember" images but Picasa uploader isn't working. AGAIN. Sigh............I'll just have to wait. (For the image uploader thing to be fixed. Meanwhile,  this post will be 'posted' that is published, I'm not leaving it to wallow in outer cyberspace until google get their act together.

1. Ring Garden City, ask about price. Buy item
2. Ring Camberwell, ask about price. Pick up item today.
3. Ring Williamstown, ask about get back tank in scuba blue xl. Ask to hold.
4. Ring Fawkner re serengeti story being bundled. Top T33050, Cardi T11103.
5. Make decision on online order.

This is ... Interesting ...

Is she saying, "Hahahahahahahahahaha"? or just picking her nose?

Not sure what it is meant to be .....

..... but I like it.

P.S. Most of us can guess the written word is my wedding album (or photo album) but what does the hand action mean? Could it be she's going to wash that man right out of her hair?



....Or is it just a woman's prerogative?

The Battle of Hogwarts 18th Anniversary

Remember when Hogwarts and staff and Harry battled the forces of good and evil? Remember "He who must not be named"? and all that wand waving and flashing light? It all happened 18 years ago - well 18 years and one day - should have done this post yesterday but I forgot about it, or as they say in the Italian Family business "fuggedaboudit" or rather I fuggodaboudit! (I know, I know, excuses, excuses, excuses)

Well anyway, it's been eighteen years since that happened - May 2nd 1998. Some of my favourite characters died in that battle. Lupin for one - I liked Lupin. Poor old Lupin, he could never have survived though really when you think how ill and thin he was - all that teeth gnashing and growling, the life of a werewolf is not particularly happy. He was the only decent Defence Against the Dark Arts they had. Professor Quirrel was hopeless (it didn't help that under that turban of his, Voldemort stuck to the back of his head like a limpet), then there was Professor Gilderoy Lockhart - very vain, had tickets on himself and was a liar to boot, not to mention a cowardly custard! (ended up in St. Mungo's for the insane after having his memory wiped) Alastor (Mad-Eye) Moody who was in actual fact Barty Crouch Jr. a Death Eater, that horrible witch Professor Dolores Umbridge ugly evil toad need I say more?

Then there were the Weasleys - red hair, vacant expression, hand-me-down clothes - obviously a Weasley. The twins Fred and George who kept us entertained with their hijinks and pranks are no more - no more twins. There is only George since Fred is no more, says Fred just before he died, "You actually are joking Perce, I don't think I've seen you joke since you were -"

And Snape - remember him? Severus, aka "Smelly" who we all thought a rotter was actually one of the goodies, well he popped his clogs too. YOu only find out he's a goody then he's dead but perhaps that's for the best, I mean we've been with Snape from the very beginning - he was the character you most wanted to hate yet he was popular which is probably more due to the actor who played him (Alan Rickman) than just Snape himself.

Who knows what the next generation of children will bring - will they love Harry Potter like the hundreds of children before them? Who knows, but .... Curiosity is not a sin… But we should exercise caution with our curiosity… yes, indeed.

What still want more?

You tell 'em boys

Hermione and the twins

Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs are proud to present .....

Wicked!

"Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.
Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor.
Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slime-ball."

Expelliarmus


That's all .. Sorry, can't hang out, it's Quidditch season. You know how it is...

NOX

Overweight #02

Well now, I did say in my previous Overweight post to be continued did I not? Well of course I did. Yesterday when I was at the doc's, I spoke with him about how overweight I am.

Well it's official I am seriously over-weight. Look, I knew I was over weight words like fat I can live with but the word obese is horrible and I won't be using it. I was overweight before I stopped smoking (10 weeks ago) and I had been putting on weight for a while but it has now ballooned out of all proportion to plague level. I find it hard to breathe, am nearly always short of breathe, my feet and ankles look like they belong to the fat lady at the circus and my clothes are tight. The only exercise I get is walking to/from the car.

A friend suggested when getting home from work, before going in the house, walk two houses then come back. Do the same in the afternoon (I work a split shift). The next day walk past three houses, next day four houses and so on, increasing by one house per day. I started this a few days ago - on Wednesday 13 April - tomorrow I will be "on" six houses. On the third day, I forgot to do my houses in the afternoon and when I remembered it was past eight o'clock but I went and did them although I got mixed up and only walked three houses instead of four. And then on the Saturday when I was walking five houses, I realised I I'd got mixed up the day before (Friday) and had only walked three houses in the morning as well. I know this is true because today, I didn't remember seeing the fourth house yesterday.


Embarrassed about Weight
Spoke with doc about being overweight and asked him to weigh me, and no, I won't write my weight up but never have I weighed this much. I am too embarrassed to say what I weigh. How do I go about losing weight? A special diet? Too much like hard work and I doubt I would stick to it. Cutting things out of diet? Cutting down and eating smaller serves? Doc today said eat smaller serves, when I asked him did that include breakfast because a serve of cereal is only 45 grams, he said yes. I did tell him after meals my stomach doesn't feel full and I am still hungry. He replied tough. Make yourself wait 20 minutes then you'll feel full.

About 15/16 years ago, I had occasion to visit the doctor's at the end of my street (he wasn't my doc but he was only a few houses away) and I remember seeing this diet. I don't remember what it was called, but I do remember it proclaimed to guarantee you would lose 3kg in 10 days. Great I thought, I have to try this. It also said it was medically proven and okayed by a doctor. So I started this diet, while most of what the food was has been forgotten in the mists of time, I do remember having to eat cottage cheese (yuk it was revolting) and a banana (double yuk, I stopped eating bananas when I was ten years old and couldn't stand them). I almost puked I felt so sick of that bloody cheese and banana, but I persevered and was excited to find I had lost two inches off my waist, an inch of the hips, and a bit off the thighs.But it was the loss around the waist and stomach area that had me sold. By the time the ten days came around, my mouth was terribly dry, and there was something else which wasn't good but I knew I had to lose weight.

That's it! I decided that's it I'm going to lose weight and went from 92kg to, it was either 62.5 or 60.5. I kept the weight off for a few months then gradually it came back on only this time around I weigh a lot more than I did then. You see losing those initial inches gave me the boost I needed to want to lose weight. It's no good saying, "I have to lose weight, I wish I could lose weight" - you have to want it, the feeling has to come from inside, and until that happens, you will not successfully lose weight, you will not have the will or inclination to do so. I speak from my own experience - the feeling must come from within you. Although I know I have to do something bout my ballooning weight and I want to lose weight, I am honest enough to be able to admit I do not have the "I want to lose weight feeling" I had all those years ago. Will that feeling come back? I don't know, but I know that this isn't something that can be forced, you can't force it, it has to come naturally.


Today's quote: It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Giving up Smoking #5

Ten Weeks Today

Perhaps I should write a novella and call it "The Evils of Smoking and Why I Gave It Up"! (Just joking)

I don't consider myself an ex-smoker, I'm someone who has stopped smoking, someone who has given up the fags, I am not ready either to say someone who has quit. For some reason I don't like the "quit" thing. Don't know why, just know I don't. Maybe this has to do with the time when I rang the Quit Line quite a few years ago, and the lack of empathy and understanding coming from the person on the end of the line was awful. She had no, she had no nothing, no sympathy, no help, just nothing. She was hopeless. When I got off the phone all I wanted to do was smoke. Honestly, she'd drive a man to drink. She had never smoked in her life. I know, because I asked her. So don't go sprouting and mouthing bleeding heart stuff if you can't put yourself in the smoker's shoes. How can one have knowledge or experience if one hasn't lived it or at least tried to find out as much as one can?

I am reminded of something told me about people trying to get of heroin, the physical craving may have stopped, but the mental craving takes a lot longer. Perhaps it is this way with smoking too, the mental craving is there and that is the hardest to let go.

Found on the internet:
When an ex-smoker watches a person smoke a cigarette, he often fantasizes about how much the smoker is enjoying it--how good it must taste and make him feel. It is true he may be enjoying that particular cigarette, but the odds are he is not.

Most smokers enjoy a very small percentage of the cigarettes they smoke. In fact, they are really unaware of most of the cigarettes they smoke. Some are smoked out of simple habit, but most are smoked in order to alleviate withdrawal symptoms experienced by all smokers whose nicotine levels have fallen below minimal requirements. The cigarette may taste horrible, but the smoker has to smoke it. And because the majority of smokers are such addicts, they must smoke many such cigarettes every single day in order to maintain a constant blood nicotine level. Source

I don't know about the first paragraph, but I do know about the second one because it is so true. "The cigarette may taste horrible, but the smoker has to smoke it" - true, true, true.


Literally over 90% of the tar that is inhaled stays in the lung, when you see a person exhale they are literally blowing out about 10% of the smoke.

OH bloody hell. That's a wake up call.


The Mental Addiction

The physical cravings may have gone, but it's the emotional crutch, the mental cravings that take longer. One website said 'It takes at least 3 months for your brain chemistry to return to normal after you quit smoking.' I found this website Addictions and Recovery which gives a very good explanation and ideas. In one section it says "Some studies have suggested that nicotine is as addictive as crack cocaine" - an addiction is an addiction whether it's legal or illegal. Going through giving up smoking, I find I have more sympathy for drug addicts because in the past, I didn't see smoking as an addiction or smokers as "addicts". To me an addict was a drug user like a heroin or ice addict.

I liked the bit that says Plan to keep yourself busy in the beginning. Too much unstructured time is not a good thing when it comes to smoking cessation. And the section about celebrate your victories makes good sense e.g. Take the money you’ve saved and buy yourself a treat once a week. I didn't do this but I did buy a winter jacket for work which I know I will get a lot of use out of. The one I have isn't all that warm.

Today's quote: I'll never feel comfortable taking a strong drink, and I'll never feel easy smoking a cigarette. I just don't think those things are right for me ~ Elvis Presley.

Giving up Smoking #4

Eight weeks today since I stopped smoking. Yes I miss it and Yes I wish I could have just one smoke with a cuppa and sit and really enjoy it and Yes I would love to have just one ciggie once more..but it probably wouldn't be just one would it?

It is strange for as much as I would like to have a smoke, when I am at the checkout at the supermarket and the person directly in front of my buys a packet of cigarettes, what does yours truly say? "I gave up smoking three weeks ago" (Or five weeks or two weeks and four days or whatever length of time it is) and the person usually says, "Did you?" and I say back, "Yes, so far I've saved XX hundred dollars." I said this today at the local Coles,  except it was, "I sopped smoking eight weeks ago today" the young woman ahead of me said "that's good, keep it up. They're very addictive." The lass serving was quite impressed and started the smoking is bad for your health spiel and from the way she spoke, I knew she had never smoked. I asked if she had, she said no. She is doing some lifestyle course and as part of it, they had to listen to the lungs of both smokers and non-smokers. She said there is such a difference between the two. When I asked what did they sound like, she said the non-smokers sound like air and she softly blew gently in and out. A smokers she said was like this, she blew in but when she blew out it had a definite uuur sound to it.

Let's listen to some lungs
With this in mind, I tried to find what a pair of lungs sounds like - both smokers and non-smokers. Google "what do the lungs of a smoker and a non-smoker sound like" and found "Smokers vs Normal Lungs - YouTube". Right, so I clicked on it and watched and listened. Twice.




The black lungs on the left look like a couple of fish before they've been skinned. I need to see more shock, horror stuff. Perhaps the more I see, the more I will be put of taking up or going back to smoking again. With this in mind, I decided to watch this video. Of the two, I think the second one is more take notice than the first one. My only complaint if complaint it is, is the video is in Chinese which I can neither read or speak so I have no idea what is being said, one can guess, but actually knowing would be better.


That brown and yellow stuff in the middle doesn't look too good does it? Oh yuk, looks awful and gooey. Towards the end of the vid, the man scrapes some of the brown stuff off, it appears to be some sort of sticky sludge which is stuck to the lung and only by scraping it was he able to get it off. Put it another way, if you washed them under the shower, I don't think the brown gunk would come off.

Lets talk about some other benefits of stopping smoking

Sorry, but I'm not at the sprouting about how healthier it is not to smoke yet, even after watching the videos. So, what advantages are there that I have noticed?
1. First and foremost is the monetary gain - more money in the bank means I can afford to pay bills without getting in a bind etc
2. Again monetary - the Japan trip I booked last year I can actually enjoy more and afford
3. My face seems softer - the skin is not as dry. I have always had good skin and was horrified to find a couple of years ago how dry my skin was. Now it is soft again.
4. I don't cough as much,
5. When I laugh, there's less chance of the laugh turning into a cough.
6. I feel good with myself because I have been able to stop and have stayed off them for eight weeks.

Yes I miss them wish I didn't hopefully the longer I am off them the less I will wish I had one. It just occurred to me, I had better stop saying I stopped smoking eight week/nine weeks ago when I am at the checkout. When I first stopped, it was acceptable to say something like that, but I think now, I probably shouldn't.

Someone reminded me "It has been about two months. Your brain has rewired itself so the cravings really shouldn't be there any more.
Move on. You're an ex-smoker now. Stop thinking about it."

I see what they mean but try telling that to my brain! Am I really an ex-smoker or am I still in the process of giving up? Wouldn't ' an ex-smoker be someone who hasn't smoked for at least six months? Groan, I don't know.


Today's quote: Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes

Just Before Sunrise

Just Before Sunrise
Just before the sun was rising
I stood outside the door
And listened to the river
And the sounds as the day began to awaken.
As I walked slowly along,
Drinking in my last sight of Malacca,
I was struck by the beauty of the shadows and reflections
Along the river bank.
This is the Malacca Malay Sultanate Water Wheel which turns during the day, and is silent at night. It is a replica of the original which was used to channel waters for the large number of traders. It is very peaceful and scenic strolling along the river as the dawning of a new day is about to begin.

Giving up smoking #3

Six weeks one day later
Someone told me that in my previous post, the section under the heading 'Six weeks later' was interesting, because I said I wanted a cigarette as a celebration and also to relax. She went on to say these things are on the opposite ends of the leisure spectrum and that she used to do this when she smoked, it was a way of rationalising why she smoked and gave her a good excuse for doing it.

She understood, yes. The rationalisation, although I hadn't seen that before now. That is how I'm feeling. I found this What they don't tell you about quitting smoking So many websites are just so clinical and don't really sound like they are written by real people, this is different.

When I feel like shit and say I really really want a smoke, I got this "If you do, you will have people around you commenting, saying that they knew you wouldn't be able to give up, that they are surprised you lasted this long etc. prove them wrong."

Yes, do you think I haven't thought of this dear blog? That's another thing which makes me want to stay on the straight and narrow. There will be some I know who will get a fiendish delight in telling me, "I told you so" - I really don't want to give them the satisfaction. Hummph.. But will not giving satisfaction be enough? Makes me think of that song Satisfaction. So you know I thought the title was, "I ain't got no satisfaction"? I never did like the Rolling Stones and Mick Jagger had the ugliest mug I'd ever seen. As a bit of interest, I hunted up the song on youtube, there is of course more than one rendition, but his one from 1965 was one of the least offensive. One of the later version live in 1981 is just dreadful, so pathetic watching some nit prance around in yellow pants and a flag. What a loser.




But back to reality, the doc I see weekly said smoking has been a huge part of my life and now I no longer have it, it's like losing a friend, and you need to grieve which is why it is important for me to throw out my cigarette case, why it was important for me to throw out the chop chop in the cupboard, not Junior. I had old him Junior had thrown the chopchop out the other day and although I had thought of doing it, I had left it there, I realised I wasn't really ready to let go of it, it was something I needed to do, sort of like a ritual. That was when he said the bit about grieving and said throwing out cases, fags etc. is symbolic, I need to do this when I am ready, not somebody else. Unfortunately Junior threw out my cigarette case (the nice one) within a week of my stopping I felt angry and betrayed at that. It would be stupid for me to go buy another fag case or another packet of fags just to put in the cupboard so I can throw them away - it wouldn't be the same as having bought them before I stopped, it wouldn't mean anything.

I now understand why my daughter still has about 10 fags in a pack in the cupboard and hasn't thrown them out. I'm going to book the car in for service for the school holidays.

Did go out yesterday, did look at clothes. They looked bloody awful on me anyway and in the cold light of day even the one that looked alright - I liked it but I didn't love it.


Seven weeks and five days
It's been almost eight weeks and I still miss smoking. Not all the time because I don't think about it all the time but it just pops into my mind like an then I fantasise about it. When I say I fantasise, I mean I go off in la-la land and imagine a story - a different day to the one I am in and pretend. I have always had a good imagination which can be a very good thing but sometimes being blessed with a vivid imagination is not the best way to sail through life easily. And so, we come to today..... life has become boring...life was boring before... but at least I'd break up the monotony of the day and sit outside and haver a smoke while I read a book or read through a travel brochure. I know, I know, that is not a good enough reason to start smoking again,but I miss it so.

Dear blog, someone said to me, "Instead of thinking of cigarettes as nice, pleasant and relaxing, you should be looking at them as other people do: horrible, smelly things which make you look and smell bad, and damage your health and your finances. After all, that's why you are giving them up, isn't it?"

Er well no, that isn't why I gave them up. It just sort of happened but the big crowd puller was the cost. Well partly the cost and partly because I'd look at the unlit cigarette and think to myself, I don't really want it, I don't really feel like it. But another part of me at the same time said, No I can have it if I want, I needed to have it even though I didn't really want it. Does this mean I've begun thinking like an addict? Does this mean I am able to acknowledge I am addicted to them? Not in the usual way where we know the fags are addictive but nobody ever really says it and talks about it.

Someone else asked me had I thought about developing some social interests? I'll let you in on a little secret, even if I hadn't stopped smoking, that question would still have been valid, the problem is, I have no interests, I have no friends, I have no buddies to meet up with or who ring up and say, hiya, you doing anything? Wanna come over and hang out for a bit?

Here's the crunch - even if I stop thinking of cigarettes as nice, pleasant and relaxing, I quite simply do not see them as horrible, smelly things which make me look and smell bad, and damage my health. I am trying to convince myself my health is better because I don't cough as much, but that's as far as it goes. Not everybody who smokes gets cancer, not everybody who dies of cancer was a smoker.
One could say I'm hampered by the fact that Nana smoked packs of Craven A - the unfiltered ones, she never got cancer, never caught colds or had chest infections or anything. Grandma on the other hand never smoked a day in her life, didn't drink, didn't go out and party died much earlier than me Nana.
ON the other hand,
As far as my finances go, then yes, they are certainly much healthier and if I keep up not smoking I will have a nice little bundle each year won't I? This really is the only thing that is 100% a truism for me regarding stopping smoking. At least at present.

Today's quote: I once sang 'Summer Nights,' from 'Grease,' at a bar in Melbourne with John Travolta, who's a good friend of mine. He looked cool singing the part of Danny - sitting in an armchair, smoking a cigar - while I got stuck playing Sandy ~ Hugh Jackman

Overweight

In addition to giving up smoking, I finally am forced to face reality - I am obese. Not overweight, or a bit fat, or I need to lose a few kilogram, I'm obese. Oh God it makes me shudder just saying that word obese, it doesn't even sound nice it sounds like something horrible and nasty.

I've always been overweight, well no, hang on a minute, that's not strictly true. For most of my life, I've been on the "big" side. Where other girls my age were a size 12, I was a size 16. Well do I remember I was about 16, and I was at this party. I had on a lime green skirt with permanent pleats, I can't remember the top, but I know the shoes were green too - slingbacks they were.

Oh it's horrible being overweight, alright alright alright, I know the word is obese but I am going to use the word overweight  because it sounds better and I can type it easier. I'm almost falling asleep here. If I allow myself to close my eyes for a brief moment. Unlike some, I use the "F" word - Fat. I say I'm fat, I have spoken about being fat. A memory surfaces of a dear fellow in a wheelchair, Colin his name may have been, but I'm not sure. With the passages of time it has become blurred, but not his face. I see him in his wheelchair more than thirty year later, telling me I was not fat, I was "pleasantly plump". He had been taught it was impolite to say a lady was fat, instead she was pleasantly plump. A smile comes to my face as I write this, for I was stupidly young and the world was my oyster, but I did not know it.

I am very tired and must close now before I nod off for good over the computer.

ETA: While searching the net for stuff about obesity and breathing difficulties, I came across this


.......To be continued ....................................

Giving Up Smoking #2

It is seven weeks and five days since I last had a fag and I can't sleep. It is 4:48 in the morning but I have been awake since 3:15 this morning. I am finding it difficult to go back to sleep. Going off to sleep is pretty much normal, it is the waking in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep what is the problem. Not only does it create tiredness and I feel tired in the afternoon, I also get headaches.

The quit shudder

Take this morning for example, I have an idea I had woken up a few times before I actually woke up it that makes sense? I was hot, my head was sweaty, my hear was wet. I went to the loo, went back to bedroom and was wide awake. What to do? Well, in the "olden" days, that is before computers and electronic equipment, I would have curled on a lounge chair or sat up in bed and read a book, but today? Nah, I'd rather play around on the computer. I am thinking of putting on some slippers (my feet are cold in thongs) making a cup of tea (even though my mouth is dry and has a bad taste in it) and watching something on the telly. Yes, that might be the best thing to do at the moment.

To be continued ...........................

Well now it's a couple of hours later - actually four hours, it's just gone nine o'clock by four minutes. I've had breakfast, two cups of tea and watched three episodes of Prisoner.

Smoking in the house
Someone asked me if I used to smoke inside the house or only outside. I used to smoke inside the house ( we all did), until January 1996 when we due for a week of 35°+ temperatures to look forward to and daughter said it might be a good idea to smoke outside because we'd have the doors and windows closed so much the house might smell a bit. On the fourth morning of not smoking inside, I came back from Safeway about 8.45, got in the front door and noticed something strange, couldn't work out what it was at first, started sniffing and realised what it was - I couldn't smell any smoke. Told daughter from then on there was no smoking in the house. If someone was outside having a smoke you could always tell if they hadn't shut the back (or front) door because I'd smell smoke inside.

I used to smoke in bed. When I think about it now....

One thing I am finding, I wake up in the night a few times, then wake two hours early and can't go back to sleep. Sometimes it is more than two hours early which is a pain in the you know what.

Smoking at the Doctor's?
Of course. Naturally.
You'd be at the doctor's and the waiting room would be full of smoke, the doc would say you have bronchitis, you shouldn't be smoking - cough cough cough, the doctor coughed as he smoked while telling you. Patients smoked in their hospital beds, I remember smoking in the maternity ward, the babies in their hospital cots near the beds. Nobody complained, it was the accepted thing.


Two Weeks Later
It's two weeks tomorrow since I stopped smoking and grandson is turning one year old. Son is planning on going to the local park and having Lahm Bi Ajin (Lebanese pastries) because his flat is too small. If his older brother can't come, there will only be four adults including myself coming. Wish it wasn't in the park - the ex smokes and older son smokes. I am still in the "I don't want to be around smokers because it's tempting" basket.

Fifteen days later
Today is the 16th day and I still do think/picture/see an image of sitting down enjoying a ciggie, that slow, inhaling, and the wonderful exhaling and the calm that follows. BUT ..... I can see the health benefit(s) of not smoking - I'm not coughing as much. (I am trying to convince myself)

I read online that after two weeks it gets a little easier. Typed in "how long do cravings for smoking go on", opened a coupled of websites, this one helped Yahoo - How long do cravings last after Quitting Smoking?. Reading other ex-smokers' words is good, it can sometimes help harden the resolve. How long did you smoke? Me - 47 years. I'm glad I am not using patches or gone onto those e cigarettes.

Yesterday was easier than I thought, although I could smell the smoke at the beginning. I must admit though, that sitting in the one spot did get a bit boring and yes, I thought if only I could have a cigarette now. I had the thought more than once. I am glad I didn't though. Walking back to the car later, I was huffing and puffing and that without smoking! And I thought bloddy hell, if it's this hard to walk this short distance, how am I going to manage in Japan? I have to lose a lot of weight as well as stopping smoking.


Twenty days later
I haven't arrived at the "God that's revolting" stage yet when I see a cigarette or see a smoker or think of smoking. At the moment I'm more in the "well it's saving me money stage."

Smoking...not smoking

A strange thing happened yesterday and today. Yesterday, I bought an 80 cent cappuccino from the petrol station (I used to buy them sometimes from there when I finished work). Although it's from a machine which you use yourself and not quite the same as actually going to a cafe, it wasn't bad at all. Well anyway, I bought one yesterday, parked outside IGL to sip coffee and read my book (I used to do this when I smoked and thought to create a new habit). But.....I found I didn't enjoy the coffee, in fact I didn't like it.

Today, after visiting the doc's (I go every Friday morning), drove back to the French bakery, the brioche was sold out so bought something else instead and a proper cappuccino. Sat in car, ate my escargot, sipped the coffee and I didn't like that either. I've come to the conclusion either I really don't like cappuccino and/or coffee, or, because I've gotten out of the habit of having them I don't enjoy them. I wondered to myself if I would have enjoyed it had I still been smoking? But - I don't know, I don't think so. It seems that I used to drink coffee (at home) not because I really wanted one but because I smoked and it made the smoking better. Weird huh?

Another thing - yesterday I went to online banking to pay the rent and was shocked to see how much money was in my account. It has been a very, very long time since I had that much in it. Mind you, after paying the rent it went down, but was still a very nice sum. It can't just be the not smoking can it? Surely I couldn't have been smoking that much? I am not buying anything either - apart from goods at supermarkets, butchers or chemists or putting petrol in the car, I haven't spent money on stuff. (Apart from today at the French bakery.)

Sometimes I find myself thinking would it really matter if I had just one cigarette? One cigarette wouldn't hurt not really. Then again, I say if I slip up or slip back and have one, then I've "ruined" the/my record of x number of days I've not had any cigarettes and would have to start counting from the beginning all over again.


Three weeks plus a day
Yesterday was the three week mark. Not sure if it's getting better or what. I still dream of sitting somewhere enjoying a fag, but I know this must remain a dream and not a reality. When I say I still dream, I mean thinking about it when I'm awake although the other night, I did have a dream that I had a cigarette in my dream. Don't know where I was but think I must have been somewhere other than my home country.

I will have to start and exercise, Junior's right about that. He went to Japan last year and said you walk everywhere. Before I had a car and when I lived in Moonee Ponds, I had to walk to work every day - it was 500 metres each way. Now were I to walk that same distance I'd be exhausted. Junior did tell me to start walking before I went to Europe but I didn't, he's saying the same thing for Japan. I find standing gives me lower back ache and walking does too. It doesn't help being over weight

Four weeks and two days
Somebody commented to me cigarettes are so addictive they should be banned. Well if they were banned it would certainly help people like me but no government in their right mind will declare tobacco products illegal, they would lose too much money in taxes and levies, not to mention the tobacco companies would not be happy.

AM gave up smoking over 10 years ago and said it never goes away, she still feels like having one at times. And someone I met some years ago said she gave up for medical reasons (something to do with her eyes) said she didn't mind other people smoking and loved the smell of them (the cigarettes, not the people.)

Although I have given up I detest the holier than thou anti-smokers who carry on like two bob watches and lambaste any smoker they see. What they need to remember is smoking is not illegal, therefore the person smoking is not committing an illegal act.

Sometimes, like now actually I wish I was sitting outside having a fag or two. Thinking about it makes me want to do it more and the longer I think about it the more I want to have one.

Five weeks later
Today will be especially difficult as Junior is having a party for his birthday - bbq, drinks etc under the carport. Occurred to me just a short while ago I will find it hard, sitting outside, drinks, food, people, and no fags. Always, always, I pass the time enjoying a fag. Told Junior who said, "You'll be alright." Don't tell me I'll be alright I almost snarled, well says he if you find it's hard then come inside. Yes, I might have to do that. Even if guests think I'm being rude, sitting at the computer doing something is better for me than sitting outside.

Five weeks today btw. I hope I don't crack up and give in. Daughter is coming too - she's given up. Only two smokers coming here - son and his partner.

I wish I had faith in myself.

Fives weeks and one day later
Well I survived yesterday's do. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. No wine glasses - it was either straight from the bottle or paper cups. (Beer, cider, soft drink) Had two bottles of cider. Should have remembered to drink water. Migraine started last night.


Five weeks four days
Woke up early after a dream. In my dream I find my daughter has started smoking again and I am angry. Which seems out of proportion in the cold light of day, but I was angry because it made it harder for me, less encouragement? no support? her smoking and me not? don't know what it was but it was unsettling. Then the dream became jumbled. Or maybe that was a second dream. Is it normal to dream about smoking or not smoking when you have stopped?
Need to work out how much I have "saved." But somewhere in the vicinity of $750. I think.

Six weeks later
I really really want a ciggie. It's really bad and irt's been bad for the past couple of hours. Course it didn't help that I didn't go to bed last night. I didn't want to go to bed early, being a Friday, I don't have to get up for work on Saturday so wanted to go to bed late. (Don't know what for, I mean it isn't as if I have anywhere to go at midnight) except for watch television or on the computer.

Anyway fell asleep, then hopped on the computer, did some stuff, had looked at buying some clothes online to take to Japan - "Holiday clothes" (I've never bought holiday clothes before), that were online but didn't complete the form so didn't spend any money. Which I have mixed feelings about I'm glad but I'm resigned.

I think what really tipped me over the edge to being badly in need of a smoke, is it's as though it is/was a celebratory thing - I had been thinking about going to the Kiso Valley since I first heard about it and had tried to work out how to do it as a day trip from Kyoto, when I came upon a forum post on a forum I've not heard of before and this person had worked out how to stop there overnight from Tokyo on the way to Kyoto and I thought I can do that too. So I booked a place - there were only four places, only two of which are in the town (Magome) I booked both the two while I decide which one I should stay at. The price difference is very great, I'd rather pay the cheaper one but I think the more expensive one would give me a really true Japanese experience of old Japan. It includes half board and the facilities are better. Anyhhoo, I'd booked them then couldn't settle I was sort of so excited, I was really excited that I had finally worked this into my itinerary that I wanted to shout it to the world but there's nobody other than me here.

Tried watching telly, tried eating chocolate eggs (not good for my non-existent waist) tried going back on the computer couldn't settle. It is day time now and light outside but I have a weekend of nothing to look forward to, no where to go, Junior is at mate's place and I realise I am bored, but don't know what to do to relieve the boredom. Don't say housework, clean the house. I don't want to clean the house, It's so mundane. You know, I almost gave in and thought about going up the street and buying a packet of cigarettes and was glad that Junior had thrown out the chopchop from the cupboard which I never could smoke as it was too strong. Had it been there, I think I would have been sorely tempted.

MY fingers won't sit still, I'm itching to do something and my toes are moving around too. I really miss smoking and enjoying the relaxation of it. Can't be bothered to correct typing errors. Can't drink any more tea, but I NEED something and I don't know what it is other than what it shouldn't be.
There! Corrected the typing errors. There were many.


Today's quote: I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself ~ Johnny Carson

Giving Up Smoking

Stopping smoking and not smoking any more is not easy, in fact is is bloody hard. I stopped smoking over a month ago and I was initially surprised at how easy it was. I thought I would be climbing up hte wall, yet that hasn't happened. It's easier but then it's not. It's kinda insidious, you feel good about it and the cravings aren't too bad but then snap! all of a sudden you feel a great longing for a cigarette. You go back and remember when you were on holiday in (name place) and sat on the wooden seat across from your accommodation place by the river and sipped on coffee or you walked a bit, felt really hot so bought a green tea, sat by the river, inhaling the beauty and scents around you as you lit up a fag, stretched your legs out, closed your eyes and just enjoyed the moment. (This particularly memory was in Luang Prabang and I remember the rest of the day perfectly)

Anyhoo, back to the present, suddenly you have a great longing for a fag, it's like a physical things, you can't sit still, even the typing at the computer isn't helping, doesn't take your mind off it. You have a brilliance of restless energy, you have to move, you have to do something, but you can't seem to motivate yourself to actually get up and do, to get up and go. I know this is laziness but I just can't be bothered doing things. Can't even be bothered going to the shops for necessities like bread and milk.

Today it's been seven weeks and two days since I had a smoke. I'll tell you about it here. (I'm writing this to help myself, if you don't want to read it I really don't care. That's the first time I've ever said that or even thought that that I don't care if people like what I write or not. Just shows how low I've sunk eh? This giving up smoking certainly is a good way to take you down a peg or two - if you had tickets on yourself, or thought yourself better than others, or thought you were a somebody then this is one sure fire way to overcome that quickly!

Back on 6 Feb
Sitting here and I so badly want a cigarette. I'm bored, there's nothing to do, yes I know I can do housework, and I know I have to declutter my room and I know I should fold towels etc and put them away but I just need to keep my hands occupied. Hence typing on the computer. Yesterday was spent between watching television and the computer.
Was getting edgy so rang son, thought I'd pop in. No answer. Got through late afternoon, son said next weekend would be better, I almost had to beg, explained about the giving up smoking thing, went there for an hour or so, came home, the outing to son, dil and baby had helped although driving was another issue. I usually smoke when driving.

Had enough smarts to remove the butt bucket from the car earlier in the day. The weekend being hot, the front door and other outer doors were kept closed.

Today, doors are open, I can see the green plastic chair I sit/sat on when having a fag. Back to work today. Usually smoke before starting work. Bugger, it's hard. Junior came home from his gf's (went there on Saturday morning), asked how's it going, said good when I told him I hadn't had a smoke since before 9:00am Saturday. Then..then, he said, "I'm throwing these out." My silver and black cigarette case and lighter. I protested, I still need them (though the case is empty), I'm not ready for it to go. Told him that wasn't being helpful, I need to do that myself, I need to be able to throw them out I meed to be able to let go. He said there's another case there, you can throw that one out. I don't think he understands.

Three days later
It is almost 3 days since my last cigarette - sometime between 8:00am and 9:00am Saturday. According to one website, "Three Days After You Quit. At this point, the nicotine will be completely out of your body. Unfortunately, that means that the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal will generally peak around this time. You may experience some physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, or cramps in addition to the emotional symptoms mentioned in slide #3. To fight the mental symptoms, reward yourself for not smoking; use the money you would have spent on cigarettes to treat yourself to something nice."

Four days later
Keep thinking how wonderful it would be sitting with a ciggie and enjoying it and how good it would taste now that I haven't had one for 4 days! But yeah, got to keep strong. Even the fact that Junior threw my (favourite) cigarette case and lighter out isn't quite as big a deal as it was when he did it.

Today, have to do the bedroom - floordrobe etc, hang up clothes, put things in their place before tomorrow's photos. And clean the stove etc.
Have worked out I still have my morning cup of tea on waking but instead of sitting outside having two fags, I come and sit at the computer.


Five days later
With the money saved by not smoking, I can afford the Japan trip. (Jetstar had a big Japan sale last September so I booked tickets, then worried how I was going to pay for it) I opened a new account, one of those online ones, last year and was transferring from normal account each month, enough in there to cover JR pass and accommodation. But car insurance is due end of next month (March), that's in the $600 mark, car hasn't been serviced since 2013 or early 2014? that's probably four figures. So now I can leave the money in new account, and be able to pay upcoming bills. If I keep telling myself facts and figures like these, that is a good thing, yes?

Finished bedroom declutter, just have to move one or two things, make the bed and room's done. (Don't look under the bed). Can drink tea without feeling I need a fag, but haven't attempted coffee yet. I had noticed for a long while I was having endless cups of tea and coffee, not because I "felt" like a cup of whatever but because I'd have one to accompany the ciggies, ergo I knew I was drinking too many cups, but now, I have a cuppa tea because I feel like one. Coffee, especially cappuccino, I relate to smoking so that's on the back burner. I wasn't particularly enamoured with ordinary coffee (instant) as it often left a metallic taste in the mouth.

Found two more bags that need sorting, and dishes to be washed, want to get these done before I leave for work. Junior hasn't been going off at me as much for being messy, untidy etc. because I'm not smoking. I know he's pleased as punch that I'm doing this.

The Money Jar
Someone suggest I make a money jar and have it where I can see it. The idea being as you see your savings grow, you realise just how much money you're saving from not smoking it will help keep you on the straight and narrow and giver you extra confidence to say "no" if you think you might fall off the wagon. Can you fall off a wagon if you take up smoking again, or is that reserved for alcoholics who go back on the grog? Back to the topic in hand, I'll check later and see how much I've saved.

Nine days later
Had a bad weekend with my innards. Took medicine, couldn't go anywhere, couldn't sit comfortably. Add that to no fags it was trying. Haven't had a smoke since Saturday 6 February, thought about it, think about it more than other times at times (if that makes sense?). Tell myself think of the money I'm saving, I see a picture in my mind's eye - of me in Japan and my car on the road (insurance paid and service done). Plus, I haven't been coughing nearly as much as before.

When I'd be on the phone, I'd be cough, cough, cough, every time I laughed, it turned into a cough. That had been happening for a few years. Off to work now, will add more later
Back from work. I opened a new account called (wait for it) Baccy Bank. Think I'll make a "Japan thing" and maybe a "car thing" and put them next to the money jar on top of the computer. Or at least some visual thing which will be in my face everyday. Forget that, it didn't work except make the shelf look untidy. I have to try and think of something else I can put there instead.

Back to the present
I still have my morning cup of tea on waking but instead of sitting outside having two fags, I come and sit at the computer. The green chair had been moved by someone to another position, I'm going to put it in the back yard with the others.
Have been told by a family member who has given smoking a few times (the last time they didn't smoke for 18 months) that you put on weight. He said he put on 14kgs. . Hellp! I can't afford to put on weight, any weight at all I am so over-weight already, let alone putting on an extra 14kgs. But....it's true, you do put on weight, I have put on weight - everywhere.


To be continued............

Today's quote: Giving up smoking is one of the easiest things in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times ~ Mark Twain.