Anyhoo, back to the present, suddenly you have a great longing for a fag, it's like a physical things, you can't sit still, even the typing at the computer isn't helping, doesn't take your mind off it. You have a brilliance of restless energy, you have to move, you have to do something, but you can't seem to motivate yourself to actually get up and do, to get up and go. I know this is laziness but I just can't be bothered doing things. Can't even be bothered going to the shops for necessities like bread and milk.
Today it's been seven weeks and two days since I had a smoke. I'll tell you about it here. (I'm writing this to help myself, if you don't want to read it I really don't care. That's the first time I've ever said that or even thought that that I don't care if people like what I write or not. Just shows how low I've sunk eh? This giving up smoking certainly is a good way to take you down a peg or two - if you had tickets on yourself, or thought yourself better than others, or thought you were a somebody then this is one sure fire way to overcome that quickly!
Back on 6 Feb
Sitting here and I so badly want a cigarette. I'm bored, there's nothing to do, yes I know I can do housework, and I know I have to declutter my room and I know I should fold towels etc and put them away but I just need to keep my hands occupied. Hence typing on the computer. Yesterday was spent between watching television and the computer.
Was getting edgy so rang son, thought I'd pop in. No answer. Got through late afternoon, son said next weekend would be better, I almost had to beg, explained about the giving up smoking thing, went there for an hour or so, came home, the outing to son, dil and baby had helped although driving was another issue. I usually smoke when driving.
Had enough smarts to remove the butt bucket from the car earlier in the day. The weekend being hot, the front door and other outer doors were kept closed.
Today, doors are open, I can see the green plastic chair I sit/sat on when having a fag. Back to work today. Usually smoke before starting work. Bugger, it's hard. Junior came home from his gf's (went there on Saturday morning), asked how's it going, said good when I told him I hadn't had a smoke since before 9:00am Saturday. Then..then, he said, "I'm throwing these out." My silver and black cigarette case and lighter. I protested, I still need them (though the case is empty), I'm not ready for it to go. Told him that wasn't being helpful, I need to do that myself, I need to be able to throw them out I meed to be able to let go. He said there's another case there, you can throw that one out. I don't think he understands.
Three days later
It is almost 3 days since my last cigarette - sometime between 8:00am and 9:00am Saturday. According to one website, "Three Days After You Quit. At this point, the nicotine will be completely out of your body. Unfortunately, that means that the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal will generally peak around this time. You may experience some physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, or cramps in addition to the emotional symptoms mentioned in slide #3. To fight the mental symptoms, reward yourself for not smoking; use the money you would have spent on cigarettes to treat yourself to something nice."
Four days later
Keep thinking how wonderful it would be sitting with a ciggie and enjoying it and how good it would taste now that I haven't had one for 4 days! But yeah, got to keep strong. Even the fact that Junior threw my (favourite) cigarette case and lighter out isn't quite as big a deal as it was when he did it.
Today, have to do the bedroom - floordrobe etc, hang up clothes, put things in their place before tomorrow's photos. And clean the stove etc.
Have worked out I still have my morning cup of tea on waking but instead of sitting outside having two fags, I come and sit at the computer.
Five days later
With the money saved by not smoking, I can afford the Japan trip. (Jetstar had a big Japan sale last September so I booked tickets, then worried how I was going to pay for it) I opened a new account, one of those online ones, last year and was transferring from normal account each month, enough in there to cover JR pass and accommodation. But car insurance is due end of next month (March), that's in the $600 mark, car hasn't been serviced since 2013 or early 2014? that's probably four figures. So now I can leave the money in new account, and be able to pay upcoming bills. If I keep telling myself facts and figures like these, that is a good thing, yes?
Finished bedroom declutter, just have to move one or two things, make the bed and room's done. (Don't look under the bed). Can drink tea without feeling I need a fag, but haven't attempted coffee yet. I had noticed for a long while I was having endless cups of tea and coffee, not because I "felt" like a cup of whatever but because I'd have one to accompany the ciggies, ergo I knew I was drinking too many cups, but now, I have a cuppa tea because I feel like one. Coffee, especially cappuccino, I relate to smoking so that's on the back burner. I wasn't particularly enamoured with ordinary coffee (instant) as it often left a metallic taste in the mouth.
Found two more bags that need sorting, and dishes to be washed, want to get these done before I leave for work. Junior hasn't been going off at me as much for being messy, untidy etc. because I'm not smoking. I know he's pleased as punch that I'm doing this.
The Money Jar
Someone suggest I make a money jar and have it where I can see it. The idea being as you see your savings grow, you realise just how much money you're saving from not smoking it will help keep you on the straight and narrow and giver you extra confidence to say "no" if you think you might fall off the wagon. Can you fall off a wagon if you take up smoking again, or is that reserved for alcoholics who go back on the grog? Back to the topic in hand, I'll check later and see how much I've saved.
Nine days later
Had a bad weekend with my innards. Took medicine, couldn't go anywhere, couldn't sit comfortably. Add that to no fags it was trying. Haven't had a smoke since Saturday 6 February, thought about it, think about it more than other times at times (if that makes sense?). Tell myself think of the money I'm saving, I see a picture in my mind's eye - of me in Japan and my car on the road (insurance paid and service done). Plus, I haven't been coughing nearly as much as before.
When I'd be on the phone, I'd be cough, cough, cough, every time I laughed, it turned into a cough. That had been happening for a few years. Off to work now, will add more later
Back from work. I opened a new account called (wait for it) Baccy Bank. Think I'll make a "Japan thing" and maybe a "car thing" and put them next to the money jar on top of the computer. Or at least some visual thing which will be in my face everyday. Forget that, it didn't work except make the shelf look untidy. I have to try and think of something else I can put there instead.
Back to the present
I still have my morning cup of tea on waking but instead of sitting outside having two fags, I come and sit at the computer. The green chair had been moved by someone to another position, I'm going to put it in the back yard with the others.
Have been told by a family member who has given smoking a few times (the last time they didn't smoke for 18 months) that you put on weight. He said he put on 14kgs. . Hellp! I can't afford to put on weight, any weight at all I am so over-weight already, let alone putting on an extra 14kgs. But....it's true, you do put on weight, I have put on weight - everywhere.
To be continued............
Today's quote: Giving up smoking is one of the easiest things in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times ~ Mark Twain.
What Flower
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